"Old chemists never die, they just stop reacting."
Submitted by Richard Gouin,
-- Trois-Rivières, Quebec
"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."
Submitted by Vernon Schneider,
-- Montreal, Quebec
Q: What is "HIJKLMNO"?
A: H20.
Submitted by Michael Spears
-- Washington, DC
When one physicist asks another, "What's new?" the typcial response is "C over lamda."
Submitted by Aaron Reifler
-- Ann Arbor, MI
Q: How did the chemist survive the famine?
A: By subsisting on titrations.
Submitted by Mary Liston
-- Auburn, ME
Q: What happens when spectroscopists are idle?
A: They turn from notating nuclear spins to notating unclear puns.
Submitted by Joy Knapp
-- Chaplin, KY
Two chemists met for the first time at a symposium. One was American, the other was British.
"So what do you do for research?" asked the British chemist.
"I work with arsoles," replied the American.
"Yes, sometimes my colleagues annoy me too," said the British chemist.
Submitted by Kelly Lipton
-- Syracuse, NY
Q: Why can't lawyers do NMR?
A: Bar magnets have poor homogeneity.
Submitted by William Barter
-- Holland, MI
Q: What element is derived from a Norse god?
A: Thorium.
Submitted by John Dempsey
-- Millville, NJ
Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
A: He was booked for a salt and battery.
Submitted by Larry Haberlin
-- Bethesda, MD
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend?
A: Carbon.
Submitted by MaryKate Reagan
-- Wellsville, NY
Little Willie was a chemist. Little Willie is no more.
What he thought was H2O, was H2SO4.
Submitted by Jennifer Bernokeits
-- Wall, NJ
Two molecules bump into each other while walking down the street.
1st molecule: "I'm sorry. Are you okay?"
2nd molecule: "No! I lost an electron!"
1st molecule: "Are you sure?"
2nd molecule: "Yes... I'm positive."
Submitted by Noelle Kapandais
-- Toms River, NJ
Q: What is the name of 007's Eskimo cousin?
A: Polar Bond.
Submitted by Barbara Johnson
-- Aurora, CO
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some acetylsalic acid.
The pharmacist replies, "You mean asprin?"
The chemist answers, "That's it... I can never remember that word."
Submitted by Joann Struthers
-- Howell, NJ
Q: What's the most important lesson in chemistry?
A: Never lick the spoon.
Submitted by Mike Feldman
-- Bakersfield, CA
Do you have a chemistry joke or funny anecdote you'd like to share? If so, we'd love to add your contributions to The Chemist's Corner™.
